Letter to Adrienne: Month Three

I haven't had much to say lately, since my days are consumed with baby, baby, baby. While I could go on for hours about every little thing in that department, it's kind of boring for everyone else. But anyway, this is still my blog. So.

Dear Adrienne:

It isn't easy being three months old, I'm sure: so many expectations. Every second you spend on the floor someone is down beside you saying, "Go Badger! Come on! You can do it!!" in hopes that you'll immediately comprehend English and realize that we're trying to get you to roll from back to front. You've come very close; you can get all the way over onto your stomach, but as soon as you realize how close in proximity to your mouth your hands are, your immediately get side-tracked and focus on eating your fist.

I guess it's sort of like when I go to wash the kitchen floor but get side-tracked by the contents in the fridge.

Also, there's the whole laughing thing. Even though you smile huge all the time, baby laughter is quite possibly the best sound in the world. About a week ago I spent the whole day with one goal in mind: get you to laugh. You'd done this about a month ago and never again; in fact, so much time had passed that I thought I was going insane.

I tried every trick in the book: tickling, blowing raspberries, funny noises and faces, etc. I even googled "how to make a baby laugh" because I am DEDICATED. Nothing. Lots of smiles and lots of looks that seemed to suggest thoughts like "uh...what is wrong with you, MOM!?" All. Day. Long.

Of course you can imagine how happy I was, though, when we went to visit your aunts and your cousins had you laughing in about 2 minutes. You won't laugh for me; I guess I'm just not funny!

So many expectations for the Honey Badger this month. I will admit I tend to fixate on things and become obsessed. Whether it's babywearing (currently ordering contraptions number four and five), the Atkins Diet, or using coupons to get 30 cans of shave gel and 10 bags of dog food for free at Walmart, I've always had an inability to keep things in check. I just get completely carried away and lose any ability to think rationally.

Let me explain:

Since you were about four weeks old, you've been a pretty happy baby. Crying, of course, from time to time, but nothing insane. And you sleep! Your fairly angelic personality continued all throughout Grandma's surprise visit, but literally as soon as she left you were NOT impressed. All of a sudden you starting "making strange," which means if anyone but me or your dad tried to hold you, you'd LOSE YOUR MIND with screaming.

BLOOD CURDLING SCREAMS and very sad frowns and lots of big tears that broke my heart. HONEY BADGER WANTS MOM. (By the way, I had an excellent time trying to explain to people that it's a developmental phase and that I was not willing to "desensitize" you cold turkey.)

Here you are saying goodbye to Grandma at the airport:




Next, you decided you were no longer interested in playing on the floor, tummy time, sleeping, or sitting. Fuss, fuss, fuss and an attitude that I can best describe as "generally disgruntled." This went on for about a week and a half during which you basically lived tied to me in a stretchy wrap.

Happy in the wrap. Yes, I'm at a liquor store.


At this point, even though I am well aware that month three is a time of exponential growth, I lost my ability to think and decided Something is Wrong with Adrienne. So I started to read. First, I discovered All Babies Should Take Two Hour Naps. "Oh my God," I thought, "Adrienne only naps for half an hour!! I must make her nap for two hours!!"

I put you in the dark. You napped for half an hour. I wore you in a wrap. You napped for half and hour. I drove around in the car, and you napped for HALF AN HOUR.

And then I read more and discovered that not only should babies nap for two hours, they should also only eat every three hours. Well, you eat every two hours, no matter what, and the books said that you weren't getting enough milk, that you were a snacker, that you weren't going to gain weight, and I was all, "OH MY GOD ADY IS GOING TO DIE!!!" I was FEEDING ON DEMAND and following her cues and NOW I'VE WRECKED MY BABY! Good God, why didn't I put her on a schedule from day one like the books said??


So I drove, frantically, from the library to the Health Centre to talk to a Public Health Nurse, who basically told me I was completely insane. You weigh 13 pounds and 6 ounces, you're 25 inches long, and you're in the 90th percentile. You are NOT a baby who is on the verge of dying from malnourishment. You just like to eat more often to sleep longer at night. You just like your schedule.

"Oh," I said, "that makes sense."

Honey Badger doesn't care what it says in The Baby Whisperer Solves All Your Problems.

Honey Badger wants to eat every two hours. Leave her alone! She's growing!


Evidence of growth: at about 30 seconds into this video, Ady realizes if she moves her hand the RATTLE WILL MAKE NOISE.



Anyway, you've been happy again for the last few days, but it doesn't matter. No, regardless of how you feel about us, we just love you more all the time.

Here's an example of every conversation that I have with your Dad after you go to bed and we sit on our fake patio:

Me: "I just love her SO MUCH!"
Dad: "Me, too."
Me: "I just don't want anything to happen to her!"
Dad: "Nothing's going to happen to her!"
Me: "But, I just really, really love her!!!"
Dad: "I love her, too." (I should mention that your dad often comes upon you in the living room and has to forcibly convince himself not to squeeze you too hard).
Me: "I just didn't know it would be like this...I love our baby."

So if you didn't get that, by the way, we love you.

Trying my best,

Mom.

**By the way, I need to mention that I wrote most of this post this morning, and while we were out this afternoon Ady rolled back to front! Yay!! She can officially roll both ways, but during naps tonight she ended up getting her feet stuck in the crib rails since she was squirming so much...